Untitled / Emily Gundlach

This is for you
This is for you, sitting there, right now, with words bubbling like
     lava just beneath your skin
And silence like cotton in your mouth.

This is for you, world-wounded and battled-scarred and carrying a
     weapon up your sleeve and waiting 
for someone to ask you to put it down.

This is for you, fresh faced and bright eyed, not yet experienced in
     this life and yet aching to know the 
limits of your soul – you are ready.

This is for you, thinking the best I can do today is just keep the
     needle out of my arm, the bottle from my 
lips, leave the cake in the display case and not touch that person i
     know i will hurt – you can do better.

Five years ago, I walked through the world,
With the wind blowing clean through me,
Slogging through an ocean of emptiness every day
Wind blowing clean through me, bones cold and brittle
Body just a coincidence, brain just a nuisance, existence a waiting
This is for you who have been there.

All I have to give you is my story.

Four years ago, my heart was shattered like the stain glass window
     of a cathedral
Smashed with a rock thrown with deliberate destruction
And I kept telling my mother “my chest hurts, I can’t breathe, my
     heart hurts”
She, worried mother, furrowed brow, dialed the doctor,
But I said "it’s not that heart”
This is for you, right now, who understand.

All I have to give you is my story.
All I have to show you is this light inside me.

Three years ago I found the key to a quiet space in my soul that I
     didn’t know existed
It fit perfectly in a lock I didn’t know existed
But had been trying, unconsciously, to pick for years.
Now with wavering resolution, shaky hands, uneasy eyes
I lit a match to a candle in small secret place
And ignited a bonfire
This is for you who have found a way out.

All I have to give you is my story
All I have to show you is this light inside me.
All I have learned is that the only things that separate us 
are a few inches of space and air
And I become alive when we drop the everyday act of being ok and
     reveal our raw selves
I become alive when I see the light turn on in someone else’s eyes
And I am painstakingly present and I am aware of Each. Breath.
And I become alive in the presence of the divine.
And this moment is divine.

I can tell you this.

There will be more pain.

We are all wounded by life.
And this is for you, when you are sure you have lost your way
And when you stumble in the woods and when you are lost in the
Look for my lantern.
I have a map and I think I know the way
And I will walk with you, singing, until we find our way home.

All I have to give you is my story,
All I have to show you is this light inside me.
And this is all for you and it is all free
And all I have learned is to love something
Take chances
Be unafraid of life

This is for you.
Because now, it’s your turn.
This story is for you.
It is hope
It is a promise.
You are ready.

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