"Always Pretending" - Jay Morris




"Always Pretending" - Jay Morris 


I think about writing a poem 
To bridge the gap between your pain
And my own
I burn the bridge as soon as I begin building it
Immediately aware of the futility of the task
I could never hurt badly enough to arouse your compassion
So I put my pen down
I click "yes" when Netflix asked if I'm still watching the movie
I forgot I was watching because I was too busy trying to write a poem
To get an emotional response from anyone
Preferably you, or someone like you
I think about how stupid it is to include Netflix in a poem
As a Technological Age literary device
I agree with myself that I shouldn't worry about it
And should save my energy for things that should be worried about 

When is the money going to run out?
Will I ever get married?
Should I eat today, or have I had too much?
I have had too much.
I am high on the enthusiasm of getting to pretend to be 
Someone I'm not.
A bitch with an unassuming physical presence
But a sassy social media presence
To off set my real world social anxiety

There's a point when you become so self-critical with yourself
That your life starts to straddle the fine line 
between perspective and parody
And you realize you're just parroting the perspectives 
Of people who died long before you thought 
it was edgy to have a suicidal thought

And yet, the generation I come from
Has developed a morbid curiosity
For visceral authenticity
But somehow still reflexively covering our selves
With layers and layers of psychic fabrics
To protect our fabricated sense of selves
Be real with me
Show me where your stitches are
So I can pull them at the seams and
Make you spill your guts to me 
Tell me how they simplified your identity
Made you eat even though you didn't want to
Talk me through the moment when you realized
That making love doesn't mean letting someone
Fuck you as hard as you hate yourself

Don't pretend in front of me
We are always pretending
Aren't you tired?


"Always Pretending" by Jay Morris is the title poem of his blog.(photo by Michelle Castleberry)

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

This is amazing. Loved hearing it in person tonight.