"Alone" - Cassandra Sam

 

"Alone" - Cassandra Sam


Alone became my norm and as one tends to grow feelings
for that which is familiar
    I formed a frightening infatuation with sharing
    only the company of myself
It is to be noted that this was not healthy or fulfilling
quite the opposite in fact
see this was detrimental to my health and if happiness

could be measured in wealth
    I was left with empty pockets and featherlight wallets
but these were all my own
and for that I was grateful
for I knew the pain in companionship
I was aware that to place more coins in my pockets would mean to inevitably face
more heavy a downfall, and too often
    have I forgotten to brace myself
    for the moments where I must pay for my own loose change
so changes in me took place which have left me so pennilessly,

and purposefully alone
desperate-
or dangerous-
is he who seeks solace in sentence scribbled less than legibly

on the back of his own eyelids
or she who speaks in false past tense, pretending to be stronger than her poetry
The time is 12:37 AM
I am laying in my bed trying to decipher the feelings I have not been having as of recently
typically when something is bothering me I try to assign it a story, space, and color
but this shade of black
    so selfishly sticks it's in all settings and plots
    which come to mind
sucking until it grows drunk on dread and dreariness
it greedily fills then spills out of its designated resting space
testing space and time between where I am now

and there which I have been before,
some would refer to this as rock bottom
I just call it, "Wednesday"
I ask myself why I am like this
.

No comments: